Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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