I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
