So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have post one night stand depression
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