who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
