That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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