Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize