when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
