shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
