words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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