is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
