Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
