Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
