Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
