Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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