My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
