and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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