the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
