So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
