TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
