3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
