We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
