home. puking in laundry basket.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
