this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
