why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
