hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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