when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
