I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
