yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
