He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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