Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
