i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
