Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
