Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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