Betty ford says i'm here all night
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
