How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
