I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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