I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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