i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
