"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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