Heybabeimwearingurpanties
her vagine was all disorganized.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
