i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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