you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
