dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
