I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
