Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
