all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
