I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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