I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
