Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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