I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
