I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
