My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
