your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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