Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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